I’m Sexually Frustrated, Pt3

MAYBE YOU THOUGHT WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED THAT ALL YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION WOULD DISAPPEAR

I’m sure that that many of you expected that once you got married all of the frustrations you had relating to sex would be a thing of the past. And then you got married!……..and all of a sudden he doesn’t look as good as he once did, she doesn’t turn you on like she once did…..sex is just not as exciting as it once was….And as a result you’re left Frustrated.

What leads to sexual frustration?

UNREASONABLE DEMANDS

Not necessarily from one another, but rather the demands of life… dual careers, working different shifts; children; hobbies.  A whole lot about the American way of life leaves us exhausted at the end of the day, and we’re too tired for our most important relationships.  There are also unreasonable demands when it comes to how often some married people want to have sex…..we’ll get to that later though.

IF YOU AND I DON’T LIVE WITH MARGIN, THEN THOSE CLOSEST TO US WILL BECOME MARGINALIZED.

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

What do soap operas, romance novels, and pornography have in common?  They all feed unrealistic expectations.  How often does Hollywood include foreplay and the moments right after sexual intimacy?  They don’t but many of us compare our marriages to what we see in Hollywood.  Your wife will never be like a celebrity porn star, because they are’t real, they are fantasy, these are characters (like actors in a movie) that some 45 year old single dude who lives in his mom’s basement playing dungeons and dragons all day has concocted.  Your husband will never be your favorite Brad Pitt character, or any other role in your favorite romance movie, why? Because life is much longer than a two hour blockbuster; because your marriage is much more intense than any hollywood director can create; and because every relationship has issues that are overwhelming and we can’t simply get out of it by changing the channel.

UNRESOLVED ISSUES

This includes everything from communication breakdown within the relationship to hurt and pain from past relationships.  Those who have encountered various forms of sexual abuse in their past tend to associate sex with pain as opposed to pleasure… both physically and emotionally.  One spouse’s unresolved past becomes their partners pain and frustration in the present.